Day 13

I find myself discouraged today.

It struck me this morning that the three respondents we have that clearly have disordered eating behavior will likely never receive help.

I'm not sure how best to describe the feeling that overcame me with this realization, but it is awfully close to guilt.

While I am saddened to discover each instance of a person with a problem, it is hard to ignore that it is one set of data contributing to my hypothesis. And one more person who I am not helping.

I've discussed this with Andy, and he's right: I am not qualified to help. I have no training as a health or medical professional, and my knowledge of eating disorders is minimal, at best. Really, I am an eating disorder aficionado, if there is such a macabre thing.

Thinking on this matter, of this line of thought makes me want to cry. What can I do?

Andy was the first to suggest a public education program as part of my Fullbright application, but now I have latched onto the idea like a lifeline. Maybe in the future I can return and help, provide some assistance.

But what can I do to learn about preventing and helping cases of anorexia, bulimia, compulsive eating, and body dysmorphic disorder? I wonder if I could volunteer at a clinic, become an apprentice of sorts? Will reading and theoretical studies be enough? I don't think so. If I do get the Fullbright, I have only a year to prepare. Can that be enough?

I wish that I could go into some of the details of the heart-rending write-ins I've had from certain respondents, but Andy assures me that I cannot for confidentiality reasons. I just thought that it was important to mention that the quality of survey is much higher with written responses than with computer-garnered ones.

For instance, only 80% of computer responses are completed while nearly 100% of the paper copies are complete. But write-ins may be the most compelling reason to do them by hand.